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Writer's pictureSandra Sauter

The medicine wheel of relationships & 5 forms of conscious sexuality

Updated: Jul 17

Have you ever heard the term medicine wheel? In shamanism, the four cardinal points represent special qualities. In the medicine wheel, these are related to the various aspects of human life.


Table of contents



The medicine wheel of relationships



North - Mind


The north is considered the seat of the mind and is represented by the element air. It is also associated with laws. In shamanism, the mind has exclusively intuitive, receptive qualities.


East - consciousness


This is the seat of fire and consciousness. The east stands for decision-making ability and energy alignment and gives life a certain direction.


South - Emotions


The south is the place of emotions and is represented by water. Your ability to give and the innocent child within us are typical qualities. Shamans say that emotions are at the beginning of every trade.


West - Matter


The earth element reigns here. The West represents the body and matter and our ability to collect and store energy.


Center - Sexuality


Sexuality and therefore our life force and vitality are located in the center. In Buddhism, this state is referred to as emptiness.


You can imagine that there is constant dialog and struggle between the controlling, limiting mind in the north and the emotional, spontaneous flow in the south.


In the axis between East and West, the accumulation of energy meets the release of energy. This is where our spiritual progress originates.


The shamanic view of the medicine wheel of relationships


Shamans in North America believe that growth and unfoldment are cyclical and therefore circular and do not culminate in cause and effect.


Once we have had the different experiences and learned about the different aspects of life, we return to the starting point - but not at the same level. We have expanded our knowledge and transformed the wheel into a spiral.

At every level, we encounter the mind, body, emotions and consciousness anew. If we close ourselves off in one of these areas of development, the wheel can no longer turn and we get problems in our sexuality, because this is at the center of spiritual growth.


How can you use the medicine wheel of relationships for yourself?


You can use the Medicine Wheel of Relationships to analyze your current relationship. Your partner should do the same.


  • The best way to do this is to go out into nature and choose a beautiful tree.

  • Lean your back against the trunk.

  • Now say the questions below out loud one after the other and only accept the first answer to each question. Why is this so important? Because the first answer comes directly from our subconscious, while further answers are usually distorted by our mind.

  • Take a few moments to write down the answers so that you can compare them with your partner after the exercise.

  • Hug the tree and give it a small gift as a thank you for its help

  • Now compare your answers with those of your partner. You will usually have surprising insights that can put your partnership on a new footing.

Ask the following questions:


South


  • How do you feel sexually?

  • How much do you cling to your partner?

  • What things do you absolutely need from your partner?

  • How many feelings do you hold back when you talk to your partner?


East


  • How much fire and enthusiasm is there between you and your partner?

  • Do you have hope that your relationship will develop further?

  • Which path does your heart show you?

  • How much pleasure and fun do you allow yourself?

  • How do you sabotage your pleasure in each other?


North


  • In what ways do you judge yourself?

  • In what ways do you judge your partner?

  • What do you expect from your partner?

  • How do you express these expectations? Do you express them openly or do you hope that he or she will guess them?


West


  • What are your true feelings in this relationship?

  • Are you being honest with yourself and others about your emotions?

  • Are you listening to your inner voice and intuition in this relationship?

  • What unresolved emotions or traumas from the past are affecting your current relationships?

  • What do you need to let go of or heal in order to move forward?

  • What changes are necessary to create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship?

  • Are you ready to break old patterns and move forward?

  • What lessons can you learn from nature that will help you in your relationships?



3 types of contracts in relationships


Shamanism assumes that there are three types of contracts in every relationship.


1. The contract you make with yourself:


  • What do you want?

  • What are your needs?

  • Do you follow your intuition and stay true to yourself?


It is important that you are clear about what you want before you start a relationship. Otherwise, problems are inevitable later on due to conflicts of needs.


2. The contract your partner makes with himself or herself


  • Does your partner know what he or she wants?

  • Is he/she clear about why he/she is in a relationship with you?


3. The contract between the two of you


  • This is based on the agreements between your individual needs.

  • The third contract also regulates the exchange between the two of you.


Even if it doesn't sound very romantic, these three contracts are the basis of every relationship - whether we realize it or not.

At the latest when you are in a crisis, you will become aware of your different needs. Unfortunately, at this point there is a risk that your communication will be tense and aggressive.


Medicine wheel of sexuality


In the wheel of relationships, you can see five different forms of conscious sexuality.


North - free love


This is the seat of free love. Our individual rules, fantasies, expectations, ideals and principles are to be found in the realm of the mind. Typical forms of expression are partner swapping and group sex.


East - celibacy


In the East, celibacy is the rule. Monks and yogis in particular are known for their celibate lifestyle. However, many people make a conscious decision not to have sexual contact with others even after the end of a relationship.


However, living an abstinent lifestyle does not mean that you are not allowed to satisfy yourself. Self-love is perfectly permissible in celibacy.


South - love triangle


This is about any kind of three-way constellation - for example a man with two women or a woman with two men. Intense feelings and strong tensions are inevitable.


It becomes difficult when jealousy arises. In most cases, one of the parties involved fears that the other poles of the triangle are more exciting and thrilling. It is an advantage if the partners of the same sex like each other.


If the love triangle takes place in secret because one partner is cheating, conflicts and tensions arise. Triangular relationships are often used to make monogamous relationships more exciting again.


Incidentally, the third person does not have to be real, but can also only exist in the partner's imagination.


West - Monogamous relationship


In the West, the classic monogamous relationship is one in which sexuality is only experienced with one partner. If the rituals always remain the same, it can quickly become boring.


At the same time, a monogamous relationship offers many opportunities for personal development - everything is possible, from the lowest lows to the highest highs.


There are also open relationships in which the partners allow each other to have relationships with others. These are usually short-lived and primarily serve to have new experiences or to live out a sexual fantasy that the partner is not ready for.


Center - Free dance


The prime example of free dance is a single person who knows exactly what they want - and can clearly articulate this to their partner. Intimacy usually takes place with several partners who reflect his different facets.


Even though free dance can be great fun, there is a danger of moving on to new shores too quickly when problems arise.


In principle, each of the five relationship constellations has advantages and disadvantages.

The only important thing is that you live in the relationship constellation that enriches you the most or helps you move forward in your current state.


Useful questions you should ask yourself


  • What form does the sexual relationship I am currently in take?

  • Was this form a conscious decision or did you slip into it because you don't know exactly what you want?

  • What are your desires? What do you want to try out?

  • What does your partner want? Do your desires match or not?

  • Is the form of our relationship the one we each want for ourselves?


Conclusion


When you use the medicine wheel of relationships and sexuality for yourself, you take a close look at your personality and your desires.


This can be uncomfortable if, for example, you find yourself in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs.


In the long term, however, this clarity will lead to a reorganization of your life and you will find yourself in more fulfilling and satisfying partnerships.



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